The Great Super Bowl In the Sky.

By Philip Kaveny. C 1997

Date line Heaven: in the Year of our Lord sometime long after the present put before judgement day.

I bet a lot of you are astounded to see me H.L. Menken 18821955 covering the Super Bowl for the daily newspaper "Heavens Evening Star." Well turns out when I got up here , it was the onlyjob I could get. They got Winston Churchill covering the sports desk for the Sunrise Tribune, and hack Hunter Thompson writes for that slick weekly Gaberial s Trumpet, but that's another story.

Before I go any farther I gotta answer couple of questions for all of you who are wondering what is H.L. Menken, leading American cynic and atheist of the first half of that shit hole they called the Twentieth Century is doing at the sports desk of "Heavens Evening Star" covering a Superbowl between the 1996 and the 1967 Green Bay Packers. Most of you, who knew or remember me thought I would be roasting in the eternal torment ol' hell. Some day I may write a collurn about all the people you would expect to be here who aren't, and all those who you would never expect who are.

It is not that I was anti religious, Ijust hated religion, and dispised god. Yes I did say in a collum in 1932 that I was going to run for president on the platform that I would build a giant coliseum big enough to hold the representatives of all the devout denominations in the United States together in one place, then I would turn them loose on each other, sell tickets to watch the carnage.

They joke about that story a lot up here. The joke goes not even god could build a stadium that big.

I guess what got me into heaven was what I said to my daughter when she tearfully wailed at my deathbed. God I hate death bed scences including my own. The whole darnm room is just waiting for you to die so they can split up your stuff`. I can still here Daisy voice during my last moments on earth.

"Daddy what will you tell god and the Angels and Saint Peter if you wake up to find there is a god and heaven anti everything Daddy, Daddy what will you say to god? I told her:

"I will tell god I was wrong"

I guess the way it goes around here is that doubt is the first step to faith, and blind faith can be a ticket to perdition, ask Cromell, Stalin or the Purtian Edwal-ds who proved virtue was its own punishment. But that is another story which I